Pancreatic cancer

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 4:31 am

When you were gone (and I thought it was the big GONE) I always thought about you and how petty our squabbles were and how much I'd like to take back the mean things I said or insinuated.

Guess there's a good lesson there. I'm just glad I can publicly say how good it is to have you back MTZ. Keep fighting the good fight!

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 7:21 am

MTZ, wasn't there a time like over 10 years ago when you had some kind of crazy injury and you were posting while tilted up-side down in the air while fixed to some kind of medical contraption? Or did my brain make that up entirely?

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 12:38 pm

that would be your brain working overtime. I did break 3 ribs and bruised my liver, but I don't remember hanging upside down from fruit trees. Probably couldn't sit up properly, but was on so much meds I can't remember.

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 3:19 pm

Chicat wrote:When you were gone (and I thought it was the big GONE) I always thought about you and how petty our squabbles were and how much I'd like to take back the mean things I said or insinuated.

Guess there's a good lesson there. I'm just glad I can publicly say how good it is to have you back MTZ. Keep fighting the good fight!

Petty?? Really? Look at where I live and where you have lived. Most of the time it was more misunderstanding and jumping to conclusions. We have little in common when it comes culture. Little comparable frame of reference. But for this, I'm sure that you will agree that we are the same;

We both, I'm sure take care of our family when they are ill, weep when we lose one, and bust our butts to help one when they are in need. We both probably are filled with joy when a new one comes into our family, have pride when they do well, and console them when they have a bad day.

The way humans should be.

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 4:43 pm

BigSkyCatinMT wrote:
Chicat wrote:When you were gone (and I thought it was the big GONE) I always thought about you and how petty our squabbles were and how much I'd like to take back the mean things I said or insinuated.

Guess there's a good lesson there. I'm just glad I can publicly say how good it is to have you back MTZ. Keep fighting the good fight!
Petty?? Really? Look at where I live and where you have lived. Most of the time it was more misunderstanding and jumping to conclusions. We have little in common when it comes culture. Little comparable frame of reference. But for this, I'm sure that you will agree that we are the same;

We both, I'm sure take care of our family when they are ill, weep when we lose one, and bust our butts to help one when they are in need. We both probably are filled with joy when a new one comes into our family, have pride when they do well, and console them when they have a bad day.

The way humans should be.

After college I moved to New Orleans and worked for a time checking in bulk carrier cargo ships at the various ports between the mouth of the Mississippi and Baton Rouge. I learned a lot about ships, cargo, steel, barge drafts, gantry cranes, and so forth. But the greatest thing I learned, from people from such far flung places as Macedonia, Macau, Senegal, and Ecuador is that no matter who you are, or where you're from, there are certain elemental truths: Everyone wants safety, security, health, and happiness for their family, friends, and themselves. Christian, Hindu, Muslim, Agnostic . . . it didn't matter. People are fundamentally the same. And it's a wonderful feeling to count myself amongst them. And you as well.

Wishing you and yours nothing but the best MTZ. So very glad to have you back.

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Sun Oct 02, 2016 3:09 am

Thank you, Chicat.

To make one thing clear, I am now the best version of me in the last 6 years or more. Still issues, hurdles...but I didn't reach 'master' in 2 different martial arts by quitting. Quitting is not my nature. I WILL not! I just have to reinvent myself.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Sun Oct 02, 2016 7:42 am

BigSkyCatinMT wrote:that would be your brain working overtime. I did break 3 ribs and bruised my liver, but I don't remember hanging upside down from fruit trees. Probably couldn't sit up properly, but was on so much meds I can't remember.

That was it. There was an contortion involved beyond just posture. It was a a memorable feat of posting, like Jordan's playing through nausea.

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Sun Oct 02, 2016 9:37 am

Longhorned wrote:
BigSkyCatinMT wrote:that would be your brain working overtime. I did break 3 ribs and bruised my liver, but I don't remember hanging upside down from fruit trees. Probably couldn't sit up properly, but was on so much meds I can't remember.
That was it. There was an contortion involved beyond just posture. It was a a memorable feat of posting, like Jordan's playing through nausea.

Think wife is getting irritated with me. Son is learning how I lived as a kid. Rattlesnakes, crawdads, fell down a mountain together. Life is somehow FUN again. Soaking wet every day coming from the creek a few hundred yards away...My little buddy just won't allow me to give up. God Bless him.

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Sun Oct 02, 2016 9:37 am

and every muscle in my body hurts. But that's a good thing.

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Fri Oct 14, 2016 12:12 am

To be clear, I haven't beaten anything yet other than the short-term odds...so far. When my bones hurt and I wonder if...I either see my 13 year old son, or my fantastic wife and KNOW my job here isn't finished - and then I go running and make them hurt even more. The next morning will be better by comparison. 30 years of Kyokushin taught me determination.

Son barely turned 13, an 8th grader. They let him into H.S. choir. He already has my voice. He's their bass singer. (No, he doesn't sing to spined green fish). I cannot allow myself to miss his maturation. Not an option.

I have so many things I can teach him, and I will!

Thanks for all the support. It has been a help.

Puerco · Post by **Puerco** » Fri Oct 14, 2016 1:36 am

You're an inspiration.

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Fri Oct 14, 2016 1:52 am

Puerco wrote:You're an inspiration.

I just got over the anger, frustration, and self pity I had one morning when I saw my wife and child looking as broken as I felt. I knew then, I was thinking "ME first". When I signed on to the family, it was supposed to be be "Them first". For years, I let them down. NO MORE!

I have no idea what the future brings, I do know that I am resolved to be the best version of me I can be - daily...even if I become a centurion. And, I feel pretty damn good!!

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Fri Oct 21, 2016 1:59 am

looks like in 21 days, we find out if I'm getting better, or just too damn stubborn to quit. I know the latter is true. Just hope the former is as well. That day could define my life.

Doctors piss me off. If I listened the last time, I would be unable to walk without a cane and a foot brace. I jog, only 1.4 miles,day, but it's a start.

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Mon Oct 31, 2016 1:09 pm

BigSkyCatinMT wrote:looks like in 21 days, we find out if I'm getting better, or just too damn stubborn to quit. I know the latter is true. Just hope the former is as well. That day could define my life.

That 21 days have come and gone. Mixed bag. Physically, after working out so much - look like I did 20 years ago. Medically, nothing has changed. Back to throwing up - not all day every day like I did, but twice this week. Figure a combo of flu and stress...and eating tasteless Midwestern food. Going cajun tonight - seeing how that works out.

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Tue Nov 15, 2016 1:54 am

My life direction may be defined Friday. Nervous, and scared. Not as tough as I pretend to be. Determined is not always enough. If you believe in g-d, pray for me. If interested, I'll let you guys know when I know. 3 1/2 days. Shiit...

catgrad97 · Post by **catgrad97** » Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:05 am

I will pray for you. Normally, I would believe that would be enough.

But this is 2016.....

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Tue Nov 15, 2016 4:42 am

catgrad97 wrote:I will pray for you. Normally, I would believe that would be enough.

But this is 2016.....

Thank you. Don't know if I should be filled with hope, or dread. Chance I get a 'heads up'. Time clock is ticking, I like to think I'm OK - but I'm a very stubborn person. Will post soon as I get back from Helena. May God let me be there for my son. Amen!

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Tue Nov 15, 2016 5:00 am

Pulling for you in a big way MTZ.

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Tue Nov 15, 2016 5:34 am

Chicat wrote:Pulling for you in a big way MTZ.

I know. I know, and all those stupid squabbles we had? I'd take 'em back in a heartbeat. Still wouldn't kiss you - man hug if we ever meet is fine. OK with that?

Just can't sleep -

Probably will check in Saturday - be it good or bad.

azgreg · Post by **azgreg** » Tue Nov 15, 2016 5:40 am

Good luck buddy.

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Tue Nov 15, 2016 6:00 am

azgreg wrote:Good luck buddy.

I will never be the serial poster I was back in the day. But, I will not be one who ignores others, Be blessed, and know that I, stressed as I am, I have seen to it my family is taken care of. 3 days now and I find out. I like my odds -kinda.

CalStateTempe · Post by **CalStateTempe** » Tue Nov 15, 2016 7:59 am

You and your family are in my prayers BigSkyCat. Thank you for being an inspiration to me about what really matters in life. Bear down.

84Cat · Post by **84Cat** » Tue Nov 15, 2016 9:11 am

Pulling for you and fuck cancer!

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Tue Nov 15, 2016 9:18 am

BigSkyCatinMT wrote:
Chicat wrote:Pulling for you in a big way MTZ.
I know. I know, and all those stupid squabbles we had? I'd take 'em back in a heartbeat. Still wouldn't kiss you - man hug if we ever meet is fine. OK with that?

More than ok with that.

BigSkyCatinMT wrote:Just can't sleep -

Probably will check in Saturday - be it good or bad.

Definitely keep us updated. You've got a lot of people you've never met in your corner. Bear Down!

Alieberman · Post by **Alieberman** » Tue Nov 15, 2016 9:19 am

Positive vibes coming your way.

You deserve some good news.

KCF · Post by **KCF** » Tue Nov 15, 2016 9:40 am

We just go word that yesterday that my mom is in remission for her third time with ovarian cancer. Bitter sweet, if it comes back again she has said she is tired and done fighting. Sucks but after seeing how rough it was on her this time, I dont blame her.

Merkin · Post by **Merkin** » Tue Nov 15, 2016 10:15 am

KCF wrote:We just go word that yesterday that my mom is in remission for her third time with ovarian cancer. Bitter sweet, if it comes back again she has said she is tired and done fighting. Sucks but after seeing how rough it was on her this time, I dont blame her.

Hope it works out well for your mom KCF.

My mother died of uterine cancer 6 years ago. It was awful watching her go through chemotherapy. Should would have maybe one good hour per day.

My oldest son's girlfriend's grandmother has cancer, and has decided to not do chemotherapy. Don't blame her either.

My wife was telling me about someone she knows who has cancer. Chemotherapy only has a 1% chance or less of working. She said said no thanks.

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Tue Nov 15, 2016 4:41 pm

KCF wrote:We just go word that yesterday that my mom is in remission for her third time with ovarian cancer. Bitter sweet, if it comes back again she has said she is tired and done fighting. Sucks but after seeing how rough it was on her this time, I dont blame her.

It's hard. I know. I have a 13 year old son, and my work with him is not finished. Whenever I am down, he lifts me up. I'm 53, and when I grow up, I want to be just like him!

Prayers for your mom and you.

If you can, be an inspiration like my son is to me. He does it by being that special person he is every day. Makes we want more time. My wife is that person as well. Odd thing, when it gets harder, they give me more strength. About every second week, I just get pissed off! Then I come down and try to be reasonable...and even likeable.

Strange, but I do more for others now than I ever have. I now understand what people in need go through every day. I've been walking in other peoples shoes, and it is a revelation. I will never be the same person again.

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Fri Nov 18, 2016 12:27 am

BigSkyCatinMT wrote:looks like in 21 days, we find out ...That day could define my life.

It's after midnight. Can't sleep. So, day 21 is here. We leave town at 8 A.M. Expect it will be late when I get back. Bundle of stressed nerves. Sentences are short. Not real sentences. Just concise thoughts. Keep grinding teeth. Day of dread, day filled with hope.

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Fri Nov 18, 2016 4:43 am

BigSkyCatinMT wrote:
BigSkyCatinMT wrote:looks like in 21 days, we find out ...That day could define my life.

It's after midnight. Can't sleep. So, day 21 is here. We leave town at 8 A.M. Expect it will be late when I get back. Bundle of stressed nerves. Sentences are short. Not real sentences. Just concise thoughts. Keep grinding teeth. Day of dread, day filled with hope.

For what it's worth, we're with you MTZ. Here's hoping that if there is a higher power, that they're with you too....

scumdevils86 · Post by **scumdevils86** » Sat Nov 19, 2016 12:39 pm

hoping for the best

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Wed Dec 21, 2016 2:02 am

I fought, fought, dunno if if can win, or even break even.

k
.00000000000000000000000000000000n,

I fought so hard, and ought s'mire.

.

Merkin · Post by **Merkin** » Wed Dec 21, 2016 8:16 am

BigSkyCatinMT wrote:Think this was my last game. So glad it was a good one,

Dang Mtz...

catgrad97 · Post by **catgrad97** » Wed Dec 21, 2016 8:50 am

Godspeed Mtz.

azgreg · Post by **azgreg** » Wed Dec 21, 2016 9:27 am

Our thoughts are with you buddy.

84Cat · Post by **84Cat** » Wed Dec 21, 2016 9:32 am

Damn, my thoughts are with you and your family!

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Wed Dec 21, 2016 9:59 am

Hoping desperately for a Christmas miracle for you MTZ. Keep fighting. Bear Down Brother.

Alieberman · Post by **Alieberman** » Wed Dec 21, 2016 10:06 am

Wishing you nothing but love

scumdevils86 · Post by **scumdevils86** » Wed Dec 21, 2016 10:33 am

Shit. I'm still hoping for the best. Don't give up.

azcat49 · Post by **azcat49** » Wed Dec 21, 2016 10:37 am

Tough to pick the right words but as a board brother over the years you do develop a love for all that post and have shared so much of their life with all of us.

Run through the tape as you have always done and continue to leave that lasting example to your son and family. You leave an example for them in your actions and here with us in your words. Godspeed my friend

UAEebs86 · Post by **UAEebs86** » Wed Dec 21, 2016 11:14 am

Bear Down BigSkyCat. Hoping for the best.

CalStateTempe · Post by **CalStateTempe** » Wed Dec 21, 2016 11:23 am

azcat49 wrote:Tough to pick the right words but as a board brother over the years you do develop a love for all that post and have shared so much of their life with all of us.

Run through the tape as you have always done and continue to leave that lasting example to your son and family. You leave an example fo rthem in your actions and here with us in your words. Godspeed my friend

I am searching for the right words and I can't say it better than what is posted here. My sentiments as well, Big sky. Although we have never met, your stories, wisdom, humor, and your courage have been an inspiration to me. Much of what you have shared over the last months have encouraged me to be a better less cynical poster and in my life, thinking about what really matters for us all. Thank you.

Bear down, I am sending you and your family all my love and prayers.

Irish27 · Post by **Irish27** » Thu Dec 22, 2016 6:00 am

My prayers are with you and your family. Bear Down, Big Sky!

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Thu Dec 22, 2016 8:05 am

We're holding you 100%, mtzwami.

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Fri Dec 23, 2016 1:08 pm

Cal, mostly good. Shared my story on a cancer survivor network. Think I'll make it despite odds. Up and down, but the ups are higher each time.

scumdevils86 · Post by **scumdevils86** » Fri Dec 23, 2016 1:11 pm

That's amazing. Keep it up.

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Fri Dec 23, 2016 1:15 pm

Merkin wrote:
BigSkyCatinMT wrote:Think this was my last game. So glad it was a good one,
Dang Mtz...

Think that was a negative moment sneaking through. Think I can give a good fight. Sometimes think I got it...then the next day. Such a Roller Coaster!

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Fri Dec 23, 2016 1:18 pm

scumdevils86 wrote:That's amazing. Keep it up.

Why I fight so hard, my son.

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002256400462" target="_blank

Catintheheat · Post by **Catintheheat** » Fri Dec 23, 2016 2:24 pm

I really admire your courage, your determination, and love for family. Plus the fact that you accepted me as being transgender means a lot, and realize you are more open than I give you credit for at first. You really are an inspiration and I will pray for you. You affect more people by your optimism and fight than you probably know. You have my respect and if I had a magic wand I would wave it so you could spend quality time with your family.

One last thing. You have something that many people never see in life. You fully realize what is important and understand each day is a gift, and to live life to its fullest.

David, you are a person I won't forget.

Jennifer

BigSkyCatinMT · Post by **BigSkyCatinMT** » Fri Dec 23, 2016 2:33 pm

TG means nothing to me. Have one coming in tonight. Might I feel uncomfortable? Good chance since it's been a few years. Greater chance I will see my family together and happy. That's all I want. And how many more days I get with my son. So much to teach him, time available is unknown.

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