The Random Thoughts Thread
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- dovecanyoncat
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
There's a BBC porn joke in here somewhere. Something something they plump when you cook 'em.
“Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition …There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect.”
~ Wilhoit's Law
~ Wilhoit's Law
Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
almost assuredly a photoshop
i was going to put the ua/asu records here...but i forgot what they were.
i'll just go with fuck asu.
i'll just go with fuck asu.
Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Or is it more of a prison joke?
“The force behind the movement of time is a mourning that will not be comforted.” author Marilynne Robinson
- Longhorned
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
In the drive-thru at Dutch Bros coffee this morning, the girl asked me if I wanted to hear a joke while I waited. I said yes.
"Why do you wear two pairs of pants while you're golfing?" she said.
"Wait," I said. "Did you say, 'Why do you wear two toupees while you're balding?'"
"No!" she said. "Why do you wear two pairs of paints while you're golfing?"
"Why?" I said.
"In case you get a hole-in-one," she said.
"You should tell the joke I misheard instead," I said.
"What would be the punchline?" she asked.
"Exact same punchline," I said.
She exploded with laughter. Then she told the barista, and he exploded with laughter. It was like setting off multiple bombs before my first coffee.
"Why do you wear two pairs of pants while you're golfing?" she said.
"Wait," I said. "Did you say, 'Why do you wear two toupees while you're balding?'"
"No!" she said. "Why do you wear two pairs of paints while you're golfing?"
"Why?" I said.
"In case you get a hole-in-one," she said.
"You should tell the joke I misheard instead," I said.
"What would be the punchline?" she asked.
"Exact same punchline," I said.
She exploded with laughter. Then she told the barista, and he exploded with laughter. It was like setting off multiple bombs before my first coffee.
Last edited by Longhorned on Wed Mar 02, 2022 2:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
^^
Thanks LH! Those are the exact type of jokes my wife loves. They got her chuckling
Thanks LH! Those are the exact type of jokes my wife loves. They got her chuckling
- Longhorned
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
We always appreciate how guests enjoy our guacamole but it's embarrassing when they walk in on you making it.
- wyo-cat
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Oak trees grow slow and strong.
- Merkin
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
And they bend but don't break.
Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Monkeygate is killing me.
Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
How do you get hair like this guy?
“The force behind the movement of time is a mourning that will not be comforted.” author Marilynne Robinson
- Chicat
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Blow dry it immediately out of the shower while running a coarse brush through it.
Then tongue-kiss a light socket.
Then tongue-kiss a light socket.
Of the 12 coaches, Rush picked the one whose fans have the deepest passion, the longest memories, the greatest lung capacity and … did I mention deep passion?
- Merkin
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Guess putting a firecracker in your mouth was not the right answer.
- Longhorned
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
No one can shave your wife except for you,
Don't ever let anyone sip your olive juice.
Don't ever let anyone sip your olive juice.
- Chicat
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Stop signs work if you follow the rules.
I get to a 4-way stop first, I go first. You get there first, you go first. You get there at the same time, the car to the right goes first.
Easy enough… except in the Midwest there’s a goddamn contest to see how many fucking cars you can wave ahead of you no matter how much it’s fucking up traffic.
I don’t know if Susan from the Hallmark store thinks she’s getting into Heaven because she let someone go ahead of her, BUT THATS NOT THE WAY IT FUCKING WORKS.
The next time some brain dead milquetoast corn-fed moron waves me ahead of them even though I got there a full three seconds after them, I’m going to go … and flip them the middle finger on my way by. I hope they die thoroughly confused as to why that random guy got so pissed when they did the nice Midwestern thing and waved them on at the intersection.
I get to a 4-way stop first, I go first. You get there first, you go first. You get there at the same time, the car to the right goes first.
Easy enough… except in the Midwest there’s a goddamn contest to see how many fucking cars you can wave ahead of you no matter how much it’s fucking up traffic.
I don’t know if Susan from the Hallmark store thinks she’s getting into Heaven because she let someone go ahead of her, BUT THATS NOT THE WAY IT FUCKING WORKS.
The next time some brain dead milquetoast corn-fed moron waves me ahead of them even though I got there a full three seconds after them, I’m going to go … and flip them the middle finger on my way by. I hope they die thoroughly confused as to why that random guy got so pissed when they did the nice Midwestern thing and waved them on at the intersection.
Of the 12 coaches, Rush picked the one whose fans have the deepest passion, the longest memories, the greatest lung capacity and … did I mention deep passion?
Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Yet another time in history the British were the bad guys. The French (post Trafalgar) were hurting for a navy and Denmark had the biggest uncommitted navy in the world at the time (were neutral in the Napoleonic Wars). So the French basically threatened to invade Denmark...but the British told the Danes that they could come park their Navy in British waters for "safekeeping" from the French. Danes said "no thanks, we can take care of our own navy thank you". So the British then invaded Denmark and attacked Copenhagen and bombarded the city and burned a lot of it down and killed hundreds or thousands of civilians and took their navy from them.
i was going to put the ua/asu records here...but i forgot what they were.
i'll just go with fuck asu.
i'll just go with fuck asu.
Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Hell my mind too, I remember hearing about N Ireland stuff when I was a kid.
i was going to put the ua/asu records here...but i forgot what they were.
i'll just go with fuck asu.
i'll just go with fuck asu.
- Longhorned
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
I crossed paths with Jason Gardner yesterday. He's developed a case of normal-looking man's body.
- Longhorned
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
I'm intrigued by the myriad of ways we can construe a semi-truck plummeting to the earth as a random thought.
Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Now that Christmas music is sounding across the radio waves, am I the only one who gets preoccupied with what medications Grandma was on when she got run over by a reindeer? I'm guessing a mix of Xanax and Perc 30s. Any other ideas?
“The force behind the movement of time is a mourning that will not be comforted.” author Marilynne Robinson
- dovecanyoncat
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Every year around this time I yearn to hear Snoop Dogg sing the words Pa Rum Pa Pum Pum with a straight face.
“Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition …There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect.”
~ Wilhoit's Law
~ Wilhoit's Law
- UAEebs86
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
We are the people our parents warned us about.
-JB
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-JB
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- Chicat
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Alcoholism - It’s what’s for breakfast
Of the 12 coaches, Rush picked the one whose fans have the deepest passion, the longest memories, the greatest lung capacity and … did I mention deep passion?
- UAEebs86
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
-JB
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-JB
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- dovecanyoncat
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Wednesday starts the weekend!
“Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition …There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect.”
~ Wilhoit's Law
~ Wilhoit's Law
- Carcassdragger
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Fatty liver, cirrhosis, and liver cancer are real things....or so I'm told.
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- dovecanyoncat
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
If you don't have fatty liver you're not a player!!!Carcassdragger wrote: ↑Tue Dec 07, 2021 2:58 pmFatty liver, cirrhosis, and liver cancer are real things....or so I'm told.
“Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition …There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect.”
~ Wilhoit's Law
~ Wilhoit's Law
- Carcassdragger
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
I'm a playa!!
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- dovecanyoncat
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Does anyone who has allergies to pollen think the Covid vaccines (and their immune system influence) might exacerbate the situation? I never used to have allergies to pollen but over the years I have gotten worse. Now the Nov.-Dec. juniper pollen in the Verde Valley is making me wonder if it's not just the pollen. It's so bad for my wife that she's dropping hints about moving to the PHX valley. groan
“Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition …There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect.”
~ Wilhoit's Law
~ Wilhoit's Law
- UAEebs86
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
dovecanyoncat wrote: ↑Tue Dec 07, 2021 3:25 pm Does anyone who has allergies to pollen think the Covid vaccines (and their immune system influence) might exacerbate the situation? I never used to have allergies to pollen but over the years I have gotten worse. Now the Nov.-Dec. juniper pollen in the Verde Valley is making me wonder if it's not just the pollen. It's so bad for my wife that she's dropping hints about moving to the PHX valley. groan
You'll just be trading in juniper pollen for olive and orange pollen.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
-JB
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-JB
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- dovecanyoncat
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
I can see I need to find some yammering moron on Facebook to justify what I want to do regardless of objective fact.UAEebs86 wrote: ↑Tue Dec 07, 2021 3:32 pmdovecanyoncat wrote: ↑Tue Dec 07, 2021 3:25 pm Does anyone who has allergies to pollen think the Covid vaccines (and their immune system influence) might exacerbate the situation? I never used to have allergies to pollen but over the years I have gotten worse. Now the Nov.-Dec. juniper pollen in the Verde Valley is making me wonder if it's not just the pollen. It's so bad for my wife that she's dropping hints about moving to the PHX valley. groan
You'll just be trading in juniper pollen for olive and orange pollen.
“Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition …There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect.”
~ Wilhoit's Law
~ Wilhoit's Law
- Carcassdragger
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Something must be wrong with the urinals. It hurts when I pee.
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- RichardCranium
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Have you tried taking off the ring?Carcassdragger wrote: ↑Wed Dec 08, 2021 3:01 pm Something must be wrong with the urinals. It hurts when I pee.
Any sufficiently advanced troll is indistinguishable from a genuine kook.
- Longhorned
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Satellite image of Russian troops on November 9. Can you find the large head of the bear in profile? I think that may be important. And I think he sees us.
![Image](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/imrs.php?src=https%3A%2F%2Farc-anglerfish-washpost-prod-washpost%252Es3%252Eamazonaws%252Ecom%2Fpublic%2FHHHMGASYPAI6ZA4WKVJL55K4HQ%252Ejpg&w=992&h=662)
- Chicat
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Looks like a scared cow to me.
Of the 12 coaches, Rush picked the one whose fans have the deepest passion, the longest memories, the greatest lung capacity and … did I mention deep passion?
- Longhorned
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- Longhorned
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Yep but with his eyes open
Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
so I bought a pack of Charmin and the rolls were uncut - very interesting never had this happen before.
- EastCoastCat
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
The cutters must have been in COVID protocol…
- Chicat
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
My mother is 73 but all of a sudden she’s acting like she’s 93.
She absolutely refuses to have any apps on her iPhone because she’s afraid of “getting all those ads”. So she’s constantly asking me for things like to tell her what the weather is, how to get somewhere, or how to get to her email without “some crazy person stealing all my stuff”.
Is this my future as well? Will I go from a perfectly well-adjusted human to some weirdo who saves one chicken nugget for lunch three days from now because you never know if all the other food will go bad all at the same time?
Please let me die before I start treating my children like I’ve got whatever disease Stephen Hawking had and they’re my personal assistants.
She absolutely refuses to have any apps on her iPhone because she’s afraid of “getting all those ads”. So she’s constantly asking me for things like to tell her what the weather is, how to get somewhere, or how to get to her email without “some crazy person stealing all my stuff”.
Is this my future as well? Will I go from a perfectly well-adjusted human to some weirdo who saves one chicken nugget for lunch three days from now because you never know if all the other food will go bad all at the same time?
Please let me die before I start treating my children like I’ve got whatever disease Stephen Hawking had and they’re my personal assistants.
Of the 12 coaches, Rush picked the one whose fans have the deepest passion, the longest memories, the greatest lung capacity and … did I mention deep passion?
- Longhorned
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
My mom's 75, same, and yes.Chicat wrote: ↑Thu Dec 23, 2021 3:05 pm My mother is 73 but all of a sudden she’s acting like she’s 93.
She absolutely refuses to have any apps on her iPhone because she’s afraid of “getting all those ads”. So she’s constantly asking me for things like to tell her what the weather is, how to get somewhere, or how to get to her email without “some crazy person stealing all my stuff”.
Is this my future as well? Will I go from a perfectly well-adjusted human to some weirdo who saves one chicken nugget for lunch three days from now because you never know if all the other food will go bad all at the same time?
Please let me die before I start treating my children like I’ve got whatever disease Stephen Hawking had and they’re my personal assistants.
Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
My (and SD86 of course) mom is only 65 but she's been doing that stuff since she was like 50.
i was going to put the ua/asu records here...but i forgot what they were.
i'll just go with fuck asu.
i'll just go with fuck asu.
- Chicat
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Greeeeaaaaaat…
I just set her up to get her Covid booster while she’s visiting (much easier to get in Indiana than NYC). I got her all the way through the initial sign up portion and then when it came to putting in her personal information I handed her my iPhone. And she said-
“Oh lord. Oh no…”
-and then started fanning herself as if she was feeling a stroke or aneurysm coming on.
Then she handed the phone back to me because she didn’t know how she should answer what sex she was assigned at birth. She then handed it back to me again because she didn’t know what the Address 2 line was for. Then she handed it to me a third time and said “Can you read the terms and conditions? I’m not sure whether I should agree.”
I mean, dear lord. This is a woman who spends half her life on Ancestry.com and yet somehow applying for an appointment at a pharmacy rendered her basically a toddler. By the end I expected her to ask me to spoon feed her some apple sauce.
I just set her up to get her Covid booster while she’s visiting (much easier to get in Indiana than NYC). I got her all the way through the initial sign up portion and then when it came to putting in her personal information I handed her my iPhone. And she said-
“Oh lord. Oh no…”
-and then started fanning herself as if she was feeling a stroke or aneurysm coming on.
Then she handed the phone back to me because she didn’t know how she should answer what sex she was assigned at birth. She then handed it back to me again because she didn’t know what the Address 2 line was for. Then she handed it to me a third time and said “Can you read the terms and conditions? I’m not sure whether I should agree.”
I mean, dear lord. This is a woman who spends half her life on Ancestry.com and yet somehow applying for an appointment at a pharmacy rendered her basically a toddler. By the end I expected her to ask me to spoon feed her some apple sauce.
Of the 12 coaches, Rush picked the one whose fans have the deepest passion, the longest memories, the greatest lung capacity and … did I mention deep passion?
- dovecanyoncat
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
Chi, my man, consider this entire experience your first training bra.
“Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition …There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect.”
~ Wilhoit's Law
~ Wilhoit's Law
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Re: The Random Thoughts Thread
But I don’t want boobs!!!dovecanyoncat wrote: ↑Thu Dec 23, 2021 3:50 pm Chi, my man, consider this entire experience your first training bra.
Of the 12 coaches, Rush picked the one whose fans have the deepest passion, the longest memories, the greatest lung capacity and … did I mention deep passion?